Library Date Night

Free & Fun Library Date NightOne of the most important parts of my marriage is having regular date nights. We learned very early on that if we weren’t intentional about spending quality time with one another, and continuing to ‘date’ each other (anyone who knows our story knows how funny that is), we would quickly find ourselves spinning into miscommunication and not loving one another well.

Though out hectic schedules don’t allow for us to have one regular, sacred date night per week (if yours does, luck you!), we do try to have a special date night every week, or at least every other. Usually this involves some type of coupon or gift card for dinner and then watching a movie at home. This week, however, I stumbled across some ‘date night idea’ blogs on Pinterest, and they inspired a super fun night out for us!

I will fully admit that this date was very much created to the tune of this blog post from Singing Through The Rain, which was inspired by this post from The Dating Divas. All this to say, it’s clearly an awesome idea, but the general concept of it definitely isn’t mine, so go explore those blogs and get some fun date night ideas of your own!

Matt and I had dinner (with a gift card haha) and then ran some errands before ending up at our local library, just down the street from our apartment. I had prepared several cards that each had a few ‘tasks’ on them, like these:

-Find a recipe you want to make for your spouse
-Find your favorite childhood book
-Find a book that details your dream vacation
-Find a joke book that your spouse will think is funny
-Find a movie that your spouse will want to watch tonight
-Find a CD that your spouse will be excited about
-Find a magazine that you think your spouse would like a subscription to
-Find a poem that describes the current state of your relationship
-Find a book on a subject that your spouse would like to learn more about
-Wildcard: give your spouse an assignment, and they give you one back

I made two of each card, so we were always searching for the same things. When we found what we needed on each card, we would meet back in a corner with some armchairs and share what we had chosen for one another- in detail! We read our childhood favorite books to each other, shared our poems (which were tear-inducing, darn hormones), critiqued one another’s vacations, and told jokes to each other. I learned things about Matt that I didn’t know before, and I think the same went for him!

On the whole, this provided us with several hours of fun, good conversation, and didn’t cost us a penny. I highly recommend it! This would also be fun to do in a bookstore, where you could chat over a latte and probably have more of a book selection. This just worked well for us 🙂

Do you have a creative date night idea you’d like to share? Email me at karli.feedmemama@gmail.com!

Husband-Coached Childbirth?

bradley

From the moment a woman announces her pregnancy, she is bombarded with advice from other mothers and horror stories of labor and incompetent husbands and breathing techniques that did little more than frustrate and break concentration. Because we are choosing to give birth in a birthing center (more on that later), I strongly desire to be as prepared and educated as possible before going into the birth of my daughter. The problem is, there are so many choices of “methods” and “classes” that all claim to do that! Here are a few of the options presented to the expectant mama:

Lamaze– What your parents probably think of when it comes to childbirth classes. I don’t actually know anyone who has had a baby in the last few years that has taken a Lamaze class. Lamaze focuses on breathing and movement strategies to make a natural birth more comfortable, but also educates women on interventions as well. Classes are typically 12 hours of instruction, broken down over several class sessions, and are held in large groups (typically around 12 couples).

The Mongan Method (Hypnobirthing)- focuses on deep relaxation and a degree of self-hypnosis, coupled with visualization. Not as crazy as it sounds, and I have had a few friends who tried hypnobirthing and loved it, including some hardcore home birthing mamas! My favorite part is the “anchoring” effect that the husband is supposed to have- when he even touched the wife, she is to associate him with strength and serenity, and immediately be focused. Classes are typically 5 weeks of 2-3 hour classes, and are available in group or private settings, depending on your instructor.

Birthing From Within– A very spiritual approach to childbirth, probably the most “hippie” of them all. I actually read the Birthing from Within book a few weeks ago, and if you can wade through the semi-crazy, hallucinogenic art therapy-esque chapters in the beginning of the book, there are actually some great and helpful suggestions in there as well. They also have meaningful ideas for baby showers called “blessingsways” that I am going to try to incorporate into my own showers this fall/winter. Six one-hour classes.

International Childbirth Education Association (ICEA)- This is a pretty generic child birthing education organization, and the content of the classes varies depending on the instructor.

There are a few other options, but these seem to be the most popular, at least within my circles! So, what are we choosing? We’ve decided to study The Bradley Method- and our classes start tonight!

The Bradley Method is a philosophy based on years of research and observation by obstetrician Dr. Robert A. Bradley. The classes consist of 13 weeks of 2 hour classes, which focus on nutrition, exercise, pain management techniques, coping through proper body positioning and movement, education of the stages of labor, and birth rehearsals. Of all of the classes I mentioned above, Bradley seems to be the most holistically based, but also seems to give the most practical preparation as well (don’t you want to have a birth rehearsal?)

The role of the husband (or partner) is integral in the Bradley Method. Also dubbed “Husband-Coached Childbirth”, the labor partner is basically trained to be a doula and labor coach- to remember the things that the mother may forget in the heat of labor, and to know how to tend to each stage of labor’s specific physical and emotional needs. The coach is also responsible for the mother’s preparation- making sure that she is held accountable to Bradley’s nutrition standards and performing the designated exercises as often as portable to give the body the best preparation for the birth event.

There are two Bradley Method books that I have read- one, Husband-Coached Childbirth, written by Dr. Bradley himself, seems to be the book that started it all. The book is actually written to the father, though as mothers I think it’s good to read as well. It explains the development of his philosophy, the success that he has seen in his practice, and the various techniques used to achieve a peaceful, natural labor. I don’t think that reading this book alone is enough to fully prepare you for the birth, however- it is best used in conjunction with classes, as I think it was intended.

The second book, Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way, written by Susan McCutcheon, is much more detail oriented, outlining specific nutrition guidelines showing photos of the different exercises (almost every time with a completely naked pregnant woman, so be aware), and going into great depth about each of the stages of labor. This book is written to the couple, and addresses both the mother and the coach at times. If you don’t have time or money to take a full Bradley class, but want to be educated on the philosophy and prepare your body using these techniques, I highly suggest this book. In fact, I know some couples who completely skipped the classes, just read this book, and had beautiful, natural Bradley births!

In short, here’s why we are choosing the Bradley Method:

The support of our community. We really, truly know a large number of couples who have used this method successfully and loved it. Veteran Bradley parents can’t seem to speak highly enough about the experience, and I value that a lot.

-The development of the husband and wife team. Many birth education options focus on either the mother “doing it herself” or with the help of other experienced women, and leave the husband on the sidelines. While I certainly see the merit of having other experienced women at your disposal, this simply isn’t what I envision when I think of a graceful, Biblical childbirth- diminishing the husband’s role? In our marriage, we work as a God-ordained team, and I think that should transfer to the birth event as well.

-The importance of nutrition and exercise. If you’ve ever read this blog you know how important this is to me, so there’s no surprise here. The Bradley exercises are simple but effective (think kegels, full squats, pelvic tilts), and the nutrition is comprehensive. For example, I am supposed to eat two baked potatoes a week- with the skin on- to help with mineral and iron consumption! I just never would have thought of that. Thank goodness for Bradley 🙂

-The time commitment to the classes– thats more than 24 hours! While this may deter some people, I am excited to fully immerse myself, have plenty of time to chew on what I am learning, ask questions, and practice. I feel confident that if anything is going to prepare me, these classes will.

-Birth rehearsals. I am fully aware that you can never truly rehearse your birth, as birth, by nature, is very unpredictable. However, if you can get the main coping and support techniques down for the various stages, it will be much easier to deviate when the time comes and incorporate something new. Our birth center also holds mandatory birth rehearsals right in the labor rooms- that will be exciting!

-Emphasis on breastfeeding. I haven’t actually started the class (like I said, we start tonight!), but one of our required textbooks is La Leche League’s “The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding”. This is a small point, as I already had the book to read anyway, but it makes me feel better to know that they emphasize things that I find very important.

I can’t wait to go to class tonight and start this journey! I look forward to sharing what I am learning along the way 🙂

READ THIS: Better World Shopping Guide

My staple tools of being a socially and environmentally conscious individual are the Better World Shopper listings.  If you have never been exposed to this educational wonder, head on over to their website immediately and figure out where your favorite products lie!

Available for personal use via their website (limited products), book (great but will need to be updated eventually) or smartphone app (best), this is a resource that you can use for just about anything.  Ellis Jones has compiled countless hours of research on different companies and ranked them overall according to human rights, environmental issues, animal protection, community involvement, and social justice.

Companies are divided into categories, like “clothing”, “fast food”, “retail stores”, or “frozen dinners”, and then ranked A-F according to the research done by Jones and his team.  Each category is also given a Best and Worst, and some specific reasons as to why they are awarded that title.  For example, did you know that Back to Nature, a staple in many supermarkets natural food aisles, is actually owned by Kraft, one of the worst companies in America?  Back to Nature gets an “F”, though its store placement might suggest otherwise.

I love this guide because I can use it when I am grocery shopping- I whip out my app ($1.99) and I can see what brands of cereal are better, or toothpaste, or almond milk.  I now appreciate some well-known brands a lot more (IKEA for example) while not totally loving others that I used to trust (like Kashi).  I have also been introduced to many new brands that I has never heard of, but now have grown to love and respect.

On the whole, even if you just visit the website when necessary, this is an invaluable tool for anyone looking to make their purchases consciously.  Check it out, and tell me what you learn!  Were you surprised by anything?  I know I was…

A Word About Sourcing

A friend asked me recently about my sources for this blog.  Since I’m not in college anymore, I’m rebelling against citing every source of my writings in MLA format with footnotes, thank you very much, but I do think that it’s very important for my readers to see where I am getting my information from.  Though my writing style might be somewhat anecdotal, I am striving to relay information that is important not only to me, but should be to you also, and I want to use the most reliable sources to do so.  There are several categories of media that I pull from, but the following is a thorough list that I will update as new sources come about.

COOKBOOKS:

Heidi Swanson’s Super Natural Every Day

Jim Donovan’s Outstanding in the Field

The Organic Seasonal Cookbook

Five Ingredient Vegetarian

Raw Food, Real World

The Sneaky Chef

Sundays at the Moosewood

 

WEBSITES:

Modern Alternative Kitchen

The Road Not Processed

Kombuchakamp

Designsponge.com

Betterworldshopper.org

Various company websites (when companies are featured)

REFERENCE BOOKS:

The Better World Shopper Handbook

Taking Charge of your Fertility

Sufficient

New Choices in Natural Healing

Healing Diets

 

ANECDOTAL BOOKS:

Barbara Kingsolver’s Animal, Vegetable, Miracle

The Gradual Vegetarian

Diet for a Small Planet

 

MAGAZINES:

Yoga Journal

Natural Health

Real Simple

Whole Living

Vegetarian Times

Mother Earth News

 As I said, I am not 100% concerned with footnoting everything that I say here.  Much of it comes from my own experience and conversations. However, I want you to be as informed as possible, and I will do my best to link everything I can to articles and sources that you may find helpful to do research yourself!  Happy reading!