Infertility, Miscarriage, and Hope: Our Story

Infertility, Miscarriage, and Hope: Our StoryYou never think it’s going to happen to you.

I distinctly remembering thinking about this, right around the time myself and 8 other friends got married within a 6 month window. “The odds of at least one of us having trouble getting pregnant are really good,” I said to myself, worried for those around me. Armed with my copy of Toni Weschler’s Taking Charge of Your Fertility, I knew that it wouldn’t be me.

Flash forward about two years, when my husband and I prayerfully started trying to conceive our first child. Several people close to me had recently been through miscarriages, which I figured only bettered my odds of getting pregnant quickly and carrying to term without a problem. And yet, month after month went by, as we did all of the ‘right things’ the ‘right way’, but still, no baby.

Even though I knew several people who had gone through miscarriage, and even a few who were struggling to conceive, words can’t really express the loneliness and isolation I felt during those long months. See, infertility is a silent battle in our churches. For many couples, it is a private struggle for years, with private grief and private wounds. And I understand that- because infertility is an intensely private issue. But I think that there will be major healing in our churches when we are able to put our emotions aside and talk about this issue, because it affects so many families around us, and many times we don’t even know. So I want to tell my story. I understand that a pregnant woman is not usually the one that you want to hear from when talking about fertility issues or miscarriage, but my story is real, the pain I bore (and still bear) is real, and I want to share it with you, in hopes that somewhere down the line, my story brings hope to someone struggling with the same things I struggled with, silently, for months.

Infertility as a medical term and infertility as an emotional obstacle can be somewhat different. The medical community defines infertility as ‘a disease of the reproductive system defined by the failure to achieve a clinical pregnancy after 12 months or more of regular unprotected sexual intercourse’. For some couples, that can be the longest twelve months of their lives, as the emotional tolls of infertility set in much faster than that. I want to validate those feelings, and say that no two women’s fertility journeys are alike- and the bottom line is that we must support one another, whether a few months or many years into it. I think it was around the second or third month of trying to conceive that the emotions started to creep up in my heart- feelings that something was wrong, that we would never get pregnant, that my body wasn’t doing what it should, that I would never be a mother. Jealousy at the other pregnant women around me, no matter how happy I truly was for them and their growing families. Feeling like I was the only one that had this struggle. Not wanting to talk about it, for fear that naming it would make it real. Each month that passed became more difficult, and hope seemed farther and farther away from my heart.

Much to our surprise, around our ninth month of trying to conceive, we found out that I was pregnant.

Some people, upon finding out they are pregnant, are secretive about it for a while, waiting to tell family for a few weeks and not making anything public until the first trimester was over, in case something were to happen. I was pretty much the opposite of that. I immediately told my parents, called my husbands parents, and drove around Westminster visiting people and making calls for the rest of the day. I was elated. My heart was full. I was going to be a mom.

In the next few weeks, we made many plans for our little birdy. We knew we didn’t want to find out the gender, but we already had names picked out and that we wanted a grey and yellow nursery (okay, my husband didn’t care much about that) and that even if it was a girl she wouldn’t wear much pink because I’m a nonconformist and I don’t want her to feel like she needs to be Barbie. I was choking down leafy greens and red meat and trying to sleep enough but also stay active and do and don’t do all the crazy things you do and don’t do when you’re an expectant mommy. When the time came for my first appointment, Matt and I were elated. A picture of this little life! I couldn’t think of anything more special.

It was July 10. I still remember pacing in the waiting room trying not to wet myself because I was told that I needed a full bladder to be able to see the baby, and I was going to see that little one no matter what! I remember the coldness of the ultrasound gel, the soft lights, and the little bean shape that popped up on the ultrasound screen. That was my baby! Right there! It was incredible. I was flooded with emotion.

But our joy was soon trampled as we were told that things were not right with our perfect little life. Over the next 24 hours, a series of ultrasounds and blood tests confirmed the worst: that though my body still thought that I was pregnant, our little one was no longer growing. On the afternoon of July 11, I received a call and was asked to schedule surgery to remove the baby. It was the worst, darkest day of my life.

My miscarriage is without a doubt one of the most painful, confusing things I have ever gone through in my entire life. Yes, I learned many lessons through that time, and I can see how the Lord used that baby to draw me closer to Him, to trust Him, and to speak to others. But it doesn’t change the hurt. It doesn’t make the grief go away. Even being pregnant again doesn’t make the fact that we lost a baby disappear. I still think about how old our child would be, marveling at the children of friends who had their babies right around when my due date would have been. One of them even named her son what we would’ve named the baby had it been a boy- a haunting reminder of what could have been.

Painful months passed as we continued to process and grieve this loss, with little direction of what that was even supposed to look like. Scripture doesn’t tell us how to mourn a lost baby, and the church, normally silent on the issue, doesn’t help either. Did the baby have a soul? Will I meet the baby in Heaven someday? When people ask me if I have any children, do I include this little one who isn’t with us anymore? Do I stand when all the moms are acknowledged on Mother’s Day? When people ask if we are going to ‘start trying’, do I launch into this tear-jerking tale? Miscarriage leaves you with a mess of questions and pain and very little finality. I still don’t have the answers.

My tiny glimmer of hope through the loss of that baby was that almost everyone I knew that had miscarried got pregnant again within 3 months, and now had beautiful children. “You’re more fertile after a miscarriage,” they would encourage, “it’ll happen.” Well, it didn’t. Three months came and went, then six, and before I knew it, it was February 14th, our due date, and I was a mess of tears in my bed, not knowing if I would ever be a mother, if my body would ever cooperate, if the Lord would ever bless me as He had seemingly blessed everyone around me. I recounted the miscarriage and all of the emotions surrounding the surgery to my husband that night, who sadly had been on the road when everything happened. As we sat and cried together, the Lord brought us closer, and yet the pain continued to grow. The feelings of loneliness and isolation only intensified.

Several weeks later I was diagnosed with a 7-cm mass that was encasing my right ovary and fallopian tube. I was referred to a gynecological oncologist, who seemed optimistic that I didn’t have cancer (which was obviously good) but told us that realistically, I was going to lose half of my reproductive organs, and that there was a chance that the same thing could develop at some point on the other side, as well. I was devastated. I couldn’t even have a baby with all of my organs intact- how was I ever supposed to start a family with only half of them? Both my husband and I felt strongly that our first child would be biological, and besides, adoption wasn’t financially feasible for us (and still won’t be for a long, long time, sadly), and so I just resolved that whatever was going to happen, would happen, and that I just needed to be honest with myself and with the Lord about where I was and what I was going through.

The Lord really met me in that place, in those dark weeks of doubting and questioning. I found myself beginning to surrender, to trust, to just let go of the emotions I was facing, the doubt, the lack of hope, and I just tried to move on with life. As good as that sounds, as I look back, it felt more like giving up than giving over, though that surrender was there, too.

And then it happened- out of nowhere, almost a year after our first pregnancy, we found out that I was pregnant again. We were overjoyed but also completely terrified. That positive test launched us into a frantic week of ultrasounds and bloodwork, trying to make sure that history didn’t repeat itself. I lived in complete fear for the first twelve weeks, always expecting the worst, because that’s all I knew- it was how I protected myself. Every cramp I felt was the beginning of the end- I over thought everything. I could’t help it. I wasn’t even excited for the first ultrasound because I KNEW that something would be wrong, and I would have to start the grieving process all over again.

To our surprise, our baby was perfect. Her heartbeat was strong- though I only saw it for about 2 seconds before I bawled my eyes out for the rest of the appointment. And here we are today-25 weeks into this journey, the little girl is kicking me as I write. What a testimony of the Lord’s faithfulness.

I want to share this journey with you to make sure that you know that you aren’t alone. You don’t have to be strong if you aren’t. You don’t have to hold it together if you can’t. It’s okay to cry, to be angry, to be disappointed, confused, frustrated, scared, lonely. It’s okay to question the Lord and to petition Him honestly. But we must remember that our identity lies in Him and who He has created us to be in this moment. Our hope must lie in Him, and not in medicine or our bodies or our education or the experiences of others.

The months that we spent unsuccessfully trying to conceive, both before and after our miscarriage, were some of the darkest, most difficult months of my life. I felt like no one understood, like I shouldn’t feel those emotions because somewhere someone was in a worse situation than I was, and like I should just suck it up and pretend that everything was fine. But it wasn’t. So I want you to know, again, that you aren’t alone. I am here for you, I understand where you are. There is hope, but the point of this isn’t even the baby at the end. It’s the camaraderie, the community that I want you to know is surrounding you in this. You don’t have to feel alone like I did, because so many women are dealing with this very thing right now, or have dealt with it in the past.

Church, I think it’s time to take off the silencers and tell our stories. We need to fill our young women with stories of hope, yes, but also real stories of tears and grief and the Lord’s redemption and healing. We need to be honest about these struggles so that women don’t have to isolate themselves anymore.

Women, if this is your story, your journey right now, I am here for you. It’s okay to break down, to feel your emotions, to cry, to be frustrated. This is an intensely difficult thing to go through. There is so much pain and emotion and frustration and confusion involved. Be honest with yourself and with the Lord, and with those around you. You’ll be surprised at how ‘not alone’ you truly are, as people start to come out of the woodwork as they hear your story. The community is here for you- we just need to all find each other.

If you’d like to use this blog as a venue to tell your story, please don’t hesitate to contact me. Let’s be a light, a voice of love and truth and healing.

Wise-Woman-Builds Graced Simplicity
thankful thursday

63 thoughts on “Infertility, Miscarriage, and Hope: Our Story

  1. What a heart-warming, heart-felt testimony to any and every woman going through your journey. I hope they share their story, too.

  2. This was a beautiful story, both sad and happy. I can relate to some of the struggle you have experienced and it helped me to not feel alone. I recently went through a miscarriage of our first baby and are in the process of “trying again”. It’s one of the most frightening and horrible things that can happen to a woman and her family and it’s even harder to see friends having their babies. It is so helpful to know that there is someone else who understands. Thank you for sharing your story!


  3. I wish I knew, women around you need to be aware so that we can cover you in prayer. I know your first in in the arms of Jesus, some women like to include their children in heaven in the count some don’t it really is up to you. Love you Karli, thanks for posting.

    1. It’s hard to tell people when there is this negative atmosphere. Did you miss the part where she said the church is silent? How can she be free to share her hurt if it feels like it’s a taboo topic? Unless you have been in the situation or going through it, you don’t know what we feel. And things you say to “help” are often the very words we hear all the time.

      I don’t mean to upset, but this post is not about what the author SHOULD have done, but rather how she feels and what the rest of the world can do to help. We can only bear so much…

  4. I am so thankful that you shared this story. It is beautiful, honest, and poignant. And I cannot stress how meaningful & powerful is the reminder—regardless of the circumstances of one’s struggle—that hope rests in our Lord alone! Thank you!

  5. Karli, this is beautiful. It is a good read for people in any struggle.

    “The Lord really met me in that place, in those dark weeks of doubting and questioning. I found myself beginning to surrender, to trust, to just let go of the emotions I was facing, the doubt, the lack of hope, and I just tried to move on with life. As good as that sounds, as I look back, it felt more like giving up than giving over, though that surrender was there, too.”

    I think I am going to write this out and post it on my wall as a reminder! This was great to read. Thank you for sharing 🙂

  6. Thanks for sharing. I’m going through the same thing. It sucks and is horrible and sad. I’m glad someone who has been through it knows what to say, rather than all the people who mean well but have never been through it.

  7. I love you for posting this. I love you for being so brave and so honest and raw with your own experience so that others know that they aren’t alone. I have never struggled with infertility, but I have lost 2 babies, and in those two very different experiences.. I was not only so lonely in my own pain, but too proud to reach out with my grief. My family is large, and my heart full of love.. but there will always be that void. That piece of my heart that belonged to those two tiny lives that I never got to hold. And with that I feel like women should encourage others during the ups and pick each other up when things like infertility and miscarriage and stillbirth break us down. We just need to break down the barriers of pride and despair and lonliness to get to a place where we can let others in.
    You are an amazing woman for pulling some bricks out of those barriers on so many private and almost taboo subjects <3

  8. Hi there! I received your blog in an email this week. I got it while I was at work this week and decided I needed to wait to read it based on the title. It was definitely God’s plan because my husband has been out of town all weekend and I have been feeling especially alone. I remembered your blog and decided to read it after church today, and it was very comforting.
    My husband and I, too had been trying for 9 months. I watched all of my friends around me get pregnant after one or two months of trying, and like you I was worried it would never happen. Then in July we finally got our positive test. We told only family because I was afraid of having a miscarriage, especially since we had waited for 9 months already. Well at our first ultrasound we were told the same thing, that our baby had stopped growing. We had to wait for a week to see if we had our dates wrong, but we didn’t and scheduled the procedure for two days later. This was 4 weeks ago.
    I was encouraged by your blog post because I have yet to be able to put into words the loneliness, confusion, pain, and sadness that I have been feeling the last 10 months now. So many of things you said I have felt and wondered, and I am so grateful for your post because it’s comforting to know the I’m not alone in the fear of being infertile and the pain and emptiness left behind from losing our baby.
    Please know that you have prayer warriors in South Carolina, because I will be praying for the rest of your pregnancy.

    1. Thank you, Jessie! And thanks for sharing your story- I know your heart and I understand. It’s exactly what happened to us, too. Feel what you feel and know that you aren’t alone, and that someday you’ll be able to support and encourage someone else with your story. Karli

  9. Thank you for your post; you were able to articulate the feelings I have/had been feeling. I wasn’t sure how to bring up the subject of miscarriage or infertility at the church we attend because I feel like no one really knows how to respond since a lot of them had no idea how to what I was feeling.

    I miscarried our little baby at 12 weeks and had never felt so hallow (or grief stricken) after they did the procedure to remove the baby. Even being 16 weeks pregnant with another little miracle baby, I still am a nervous wreck each time I feel a backache or cramp. Hopefully as time goes on, I’ll be able to not be so scared. Your post has given me the courage to express my feelings and experiences with those I attend church with and hopefully I can help another in grief like you have helped me.

  10. My husband and I have been trying for a child for 13 months now. When i try to talk about it, people push me back in my little box. “Oh its only been a year you’ll be fine.” “Oh you have plenty of time you’re only 23.” “Don’t worry about it you’ll get pregnant.” But they don’t know what Im going through. My sister in law has 3 kids, my best friend and I started trying to get prego at the same time and she has a 2 month old now. If its this hard to get pregnant at 23. WHy would it get any easier as me and my husband get older?? And there is no guarantee that I will get pregnant. I even tried talking to someone who had been in my shoes. She currently has a one year old after trying for 4 years. When I told her I had been trying for 12 months she stated, “Oh is that it?? Try waiting 4 years.” And I understand that, but it hurts when you cant concieve. It started hurting at 4 months of trying and hurts more and more as each month goes by. I understand I havent waited 4 years to concieve but I am actively trying, from eating healthy exercising, drinking plenty of water, taking pills, and having sex at the right times and checking my parts. I pray everyday that God will bless me and my husband with a child.

    1. I completely understand what you’re going through. It’s almost like infertility becomes a contest, and I think it’s such a tragedy- we need to be supporting each other and lifting each other up, because we all know how difficult it is! Candice, I pray that you’ll learn from these friends and be a light and encouragement to those who will come behind you, because they will come and need to hear your story and be supported. Praying for you and your husband- I know it’s so frustrating. Hugs!

  11. Thank you for sharing such a powerful message. I know exactly what you’re going through, unfortunately. I’ve had a tough couple of days just getting my hopes up of pregnancy possibilities and then finding out otherwise. A friend shared your blog with me and it has been a godsend. Tears of joy 🙂

  12. Thank you so much for sharing your story. It is so true that the fight with fertility and miscarriages is a silent battle. We have experienced two losses and it was by far the most awful thing to go through. He hardest part was feeling like there was no one you could talk to or feeling as though you couldn’t grieve. We are currently 5.5 weeks pregnant – for the third time – and we are hoping and praying that the third time is the charm! Thank you so much for sharing your story and for being so inspirational.

  13. Thank you. I really needed to read this tonight. I’m 11 weeks pregnant and just found out my baby was “too beautiful for earth”. I feel like I’m being sucked down a black hole. I am going in for the procedure to remove the baby tomorrow, and I honestly don’t know how I will make it through.

  14. Thank you for sharing your story. I have gone through a miscarriage, which was a long drawn out process. Then had some further tests only to be told there was a problem with my tube & I needed to see a fertility specialist. After seeing the specialist I was told that they feel nothing is wrong with my tube & so they will start me on medications to help with fertility. I am definitely nervous about it all, but I will start my medications the middle of this month.
    To make all of this much more difficult, I work with babies & pregnant women.
    Prayers for all of you during these difficult times.

  15. As said previously, by so many who have been down this long lonely road, what a heartfelt experience. I’ll be honest, I sobbed halfway through reading this. In 2006, I was entering my second trimester and was ecstatic! We had just had our Ultrasound and saw out little baby’s heartbeat. My husband wept tears of joy. We sat in the doctors office going over the Sonogram and being assured that everything was fine. And since I was just about in my second trimester we were in the clear with worries. My due date was May 15th, 2006.
    About 2 weeks later. I started cramping and bleeding. I hurried to the doctors office for another Ultrasound. There was no more heartbeat. The baby had “terminated”.
    It felt like all the blood left my body. I was dizzy and confused and helpless. I remember, like it was yesterday, how angry and frustrated I was. I remember the doctor telling me to go home with some pain medication and “just let it happen”. This was the worst thing I had ever gone through. EVER! I wept for days. I felt so alone. Friends and loved ones wouldn’t talk to me about it nor would my husband. Years later I found out that it was because they were afraid to. I felt abandoned. We tried for several years after that. To no avail. I never did get pregnant after that. My baby would be 8 now. I have always had this deep sadness in my heart for my loss. Then, one day last year I read a book called ‘Heaven is for Real’. In this book it tells about a boys journey to heaven. It tells of his meeting a baby who was miscarried by his mom years before he was even born. Again, I sobbed. This time they were tears of hope and joy. That someday I will meet my baby again in heaven. And then I read this blog. Wow! It always felt like no one understood the horror that happened to me. Today, I feel like I found hope again in people who understand exactly.
    After years of being dead set against adoption before during and after the miscarriage, my husband and I decided to adopt. We didn’t have the money for private adoption, so we went to the social services in our community. If you haven’t done so already, you need to. We met a beautiful little 4 year old boy who was in foster care. He was taken from the most horrible situations. We went though all the hoops required of us and he moved into our home. About 4 months later, Social services came to us to ask us if we would consider adopting his 2 younger brothers as well. We adopted our 3 boys when they were 5, 4 and 18 months old. Now our 11, 10 and soon to be 8 year old sons are growing strong! You see God has a much bigger plan for us. We are just so small, that we don’t see it right in front of us. Yes, I will always feel the pain of losing my baby, and not getting pregnant again, But these boys needed to be saved. They needed a family, love, a mom. And these boys saved me as well. God definitely works in mysterious ways. Thank you for allowing me to heal just a little bit more.

  16. Thank you for sharing. I also had a very similar story. We did IUI and did get pregnant, but I ended up having a tubal pregnancy. We kept attempting IUI and while in the exam room God spoke to me very loud and clear that if I would quit trying to do it in my timing, that he would handle it. Right then, I looked at my dr and told him I wanted to hold off for 6 months. We were pregnant on our own in two months. God truly taught me a lesson to turn all of my worries over to him. I now have a lovely 5 yr old boy and a 8 month old girl. It was a very stressful time on my marriage that people don’t like to talk about either. Good luck with your precious baby!

  17. Such a beautiful post, thank you for sharing. I too, miscarried 4 years ago, but I was one of the ones who got pregnant again right after due to being fertile. We are now due with child 2# next month. Love to see how God worked in your life. I wrote about my miscarriage on my blog as well, it was such a tough time, but it’s so awesome to look back and see how came through it what the Lord did. Thanks again for sharing!

  18. I needed this tonight. I am 1 week out of my D & C after finding out we lost our baby at 10 weeks. This was my first pregnancy and I’ve never been so heartbroken. Your story gives me so much hope. Thank you.

    1. I am so, so sorry, Elizabeth. I completely understand what you’re going through- hang in there, be honest with yourself and those around you, feel what you need to feel. Know that you are loved & prayed for. Karli

  19. I would like to share your blog on my blog. Would that be okay? Your story rings so true to me and the work I have been trying to accomplish with breaking the silence of First Trimester Miscarriage. I wrote a book, All That is Seen and Unseen; A Journey Through a First Trimester Miscarriage. I am 1 in 4. I lost my baby at 8w3d. I too, was completely devastated. Please let me know if I can share your story on my blog, or if you would rather guest blog, that would be great too. I am so sorry for your loss. Your baby DOES matter!!

  20. Oh this so needed to be said, and this is a time I needed to hear it. I wish it was easier to not feel so alone, it is so easy to feel alone. I think you got it right, although it is a personal thing it we are not alone.

  21. Thank you for sharing your story. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for 3.5 years now. We are on a waiting list for a fertility clinic and also in the process on being put on an adoption list!

  22. I decided to comment on this blog because sometimes I don’t even know who or where to turn to. Who to talk to, who will understand, sometimes I don’t even understand. Here’s my story.
    I was a teenage mother I got pregnant at the age of 16 almost 17 and my now 11 year old daughter was preterm, I went into labor at 27 weeks. When my daughter was 3 months old my IUD (birth control) had failed, was knocked out of place, and I was pregnant again…at 17. I did the unthinkable, I had an abortion and told NO ONE until this year…so 11 years of hiding the truth of my actions. Then….6 months later when my daughter was 9 months old, my birth control patch also failed me and I was pregnant again and so what did I do…have another abortion. At the time it was so easy, I had a nurse advising me from school and I was to embarrassed to deal with letting my family know I had once again screwed up. I had one child they told me one mistake don’t make it two and three and four. So I did what I thought was ok.
    I didn’t begin to grieve until at age 25 I tried to get pregnant for about 6 months and didn’t. I began to think god was punishing me that I had my chance to have my 2 other children and I killed them now my chances are gone. After the 6 month period of trying with my now ex boyfriend I decided to go back on the pill and that it wasn’t the right time. Then guess what happened, with that same ex, I got pregnant on the pill while not even trying. I thought God was giving me my second chance. But then at 8 weeks I miscarried not one, but two tiny babies. My body couldn’t hold their weight and it turns out I have an underdeveloped uterus which could be the cause of my preterm labor.
    Now, I’m 27 years old, I’m engaged to a wonderful man with a 1 1/2 year old daughter and we have a wonderful family I made a pact to myself that I was going to wait until I was married before even trying again because that was gods way and it’s probably that way for a reason. The problem is now I’m so full of grief from my lost children, I’m so full of guilt from my teenage decisions to end my two children’s lives, and I’m slightly obsessed with being pregnant and wanting a baby.
    I really feel so alone, I can’t talk to my fiancé about it because we have enough problems dealing with custody battles over his daughter who we only get at our home 5 hours a week with more time progressing. Yes having her around has been a great healing step, but sometime when I’m sweeping up cheerios and she’s gone with her mom, I feel like I get all the work of a mother and none of the reward. Sometimes I look at his daughter and think wow, his ex is so lucky to have this blessing 24/7.
    My oldest daughter is now become independent, tween like, and all my friends are now barely having kids left and right and mine is almost in middle school. I always wanted my daughter to have brothers and sisters and now I feel like she’s robbed from that experience all because of my stupid mistakes. Even if I have a child in the future it won’t be the same for her as having a sibling to grow up with, she’ll already be grown. I feel like the moment when I get to experience a happy pregnancy, and having one more chance just can’t get here fast enough and I fear it will never happen.
    I know finically we can’t afford 3 kids, we don’t have the space, and we’re not married yet. I do know he “eventually” wants another when we’re ready but it feels like that will never happen. I’m just a mess, and I pray and pray that I’ll heal and some day’s I just can’t think of anything else except the babies I lost, the chances that I lost, and the regrets, mourning, and mistakes from the past. I don’t know how to heal and I do know that I’m in tons of pain. I think I may need counseling and have looked for Christian counseling in the area but I fear my fiancé will think I’m not happy with him, and I can’t talk to him about what’s going on because of all the daily life stresses the last thing I wanna do is overwhelm him with baby talk. Much less mourning obsessive illogical baby talk. Thanks for listening and Thank you so much for this blog I always feel so alone and its nice to see that I’m not.

    1. Sweet friend, I am so sorry for what you are going through. So much on your heart- grief, guilt, frustration, and a new little family on top of it! You are strong and brave to even post and talk about it- I commend you.

      I really would encourage you to open up to your fiance about your struggles- it may seem like the last thing that he needs on his plate right now, but he needs to know what you’re going through and be able to support you through this. Hopefully, then, you can find a Christian counselor who can help you sort through the past and find healing. Know that forgiveness is YOURS- there is so much power in that!

      Praying for you,

  23. WE ARE NOT ALONE!!! It is so sad and unfortunate that so many women have to go through such deep losses such as this and then on top of it feel so alone. I would never wish anyone to go through losing a child, but having lost 3 of my own (burying and naturally delivering the one), I am so grateful to not be the only one who knows how heavy this is on a mother’s heart for the rest of her life! It sounds cliché as I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, but it’s through the experience that we can band together and be there for one another! I have a tremendous story as well and you have inspired me to one day make a journal of my journey. I think I will make it my goal to start writing after my third healthy, and first baby girl, is born come around January 2014! I think waiting will make it that much more meaningful and powerful and much more full of emotion. Life does eventually come around, but maybe that’s easier to say once life starts falling into place the way we want it to. God is good…keep putting your faith in Him.

    1. Thanks for your thoughts and encouragement, Jody! Sharing the story of our family has been an immense blessing- if you ever want an avenue to share yours, please feel free to contact me.

      We are due with our baby girl in early Jan 2014 as well! Hope you’re feeling well and the next few months are wonderful for you. You’re in my thoughts!


  24. First of all Congrats on your baby girl!!! I really needed to read this blog tonight! My due day was going to be December 8 this year (just a week away) but unfortunately I found out that I miscarried at 10 weeks (May). My husband and I saw the heartbeat at 7 weeks 5 days, and were so excited to start telling our parents and family members! We got pregnant on our first try with Clomid, I have gone to an Reproductive Endrocronologist since I was 15 (due to the loss of an ovary and fallopian tube due to a cyst). When we went to our first OB appointment (at 10 weeks), the doctor told me the baby had shrunk to 7 weeks, 3 days. The baby had basically died right after our first ultrasound. I remember calling my parents sobbing, it was one of the hardest things I have ever experienced. I had a lot of women reach out to me, letting me know that I wasn’t alone. That day my dad wrote a poem called, “God Bless the Child”, it’s the most beautiful poem ever!!!!! Right now my husband and I are back on the fertility wagon, next week I go for an ultrasound on Monday to see if I have any mature egg follicle (which I have for the past 2 months), and if so then he’ll schedule an IUI a couple of days later. Prayers would be appreciated next week!!! I just pray that this is the time for my husband and I to be parents.
    God Bless,

  25. Karli,
    I just came across this post from a friend of mine posting it on facebook. My husband and I literally just walked through this with our first baby, ending in miscarriage. All the emotions you expressed…I’ve felt every one of them in the last three weeks. Thank you for talking about this. The Lord led me to share my story as well, so that hopefully other women would know they are not alone. I’d be honored if you would take a glimpse of how the Lord crossed our paths in similar circumstances.
    Praising God for the little life growing in you and praying one day I’ll be able to write a post sharing good news just like this 🙂 –My specific post about our little one in heaven.

    God bless you and your husband. Keep creating community among women. We desperately need it!

  26. What a wonderful story you have. Thus far, our trying to conceive journey has brought us four pregnancies, each ending in miscarriage in the past year. For now we continue to pray for what our future holds. I hope that there is a day when I am able to post something similar to your post here. Congratulations and thank you for speaking out. I know it has helped me to read the stories of other women, and I hope that some day my story can be of some help to someone else as well. Congrats again and thank you for sharing.

    Shelby from

  27. I loved reading your story! My husband and I are currently struggling with infertility. We, like you, frankly cannot afford to adopt which breaks my heart because we have so many friends who have completed this process. My heart longs for a child of our own. I think a larger issue we are experiencing is that infertility lies within my husband. It pains me to see him struggle, to try to be strong but see him breaking quietly. He has no friends to relate with and can’t commit to seeing a counselor in fear he is accepting failure at fertility. I think this is a whole different world for our husbands than us. It’s harder for them to be vulnerable, admitting they cannot father a child.
    As much as I desire a child, the Lord blessed me with my husband first. I feel I cannot pursue a child until his heart is healed and he opens up with time.
    Then there’s “the question” that comes up when you’re actually having a good day…… When are you going to start a family? All of the emotions and pain of the last year hit you in a new wave as you put on a smile and give your best churchy answer.
    We feel alone and so isolated while no one around knows. It’s not a place I ever wanted to be, but I have hope in my Great Lord, the giver of life. Mighty is He!

  28. I am praying for “life and life more abundant” over your little one growing inside of you, and comfort from the Holy Spirit as you will always remember your precious one waiting for you in heaven.

  29. Thank you for sharing this. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for 6 months now. I know that it isn’t as long as others, but it is a long process. We use “all the methods” people suggest, we are hopeful and thought it would already happen. I hear stories time and again that someone got off birth control and bam they were pregnant. I never thought I would be the one to struggle with it. I knew getting off birth control might make it take longer, but now I am wondering if something is wrong with me. I could have swore I was pregnant this last month, I was so hopeful, only to find out that no I wasn’t. This was the first month this hit me this hard. When is it my turn? And then I thought, when it is my turn, will I go full term? My friend recently had a miscarriage and I can’t fathom that. Thank you for letting me ramble on and on, but thank you for writing this post.

  30. I am in tears after reading your blog because your a testimony that God will provide. I had a misscarriage in November and I’ve felt like no one has understood my pain and I’ve held it in. We went to my first appt only to find out our child stopped growing too. I planned on telling everyone at 12 weeks . The people who knew would try to console me saying I would have more kids or that it’s just not a good time for me and that I need to have a family the right way( I’m not married , but have a fiancé ). Instead of those words helping me it made me feel worse. I really had no outlet because I had only told 5 people no one really knew I had miscarried , so I bottled it all in and grieved by myself. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about my child I carried for 11weeks. I feel like something is missing in my life and I’ve been afraid to try again for fear of another miscarriage or judgement. Your blog has really helped me.

  31. I am going through a lot of this. We tried for the longest 9 months of our lives to concieve (while everyone else concieved so fast around us) and I felt all those same emotions during that time. We finally got pregnant and while we were overjoyed and celebrating -and also like you- immediately sharing our joy with all of our family, friends and facebook… our little baby was slipping away at that exact same time and we had no idea. I was diagnosed with a missed miscarriage after 2 ultrasounds found the baby stopped developing at 6 weeks along. There it was our little fetal pole with no heartbeat and I can’t put into words the devistation we have felt. As I’m waiting for this to be over so I can get back to normal and try again (terrified) I am speaking to women on a loss support group who all seem to get pregnant again right away and have told me that is usually the case. We did everything right and are the last of everyone we know to start families. Children and pregnancy constantly surround us and we can’t escape it or the feelings that arise because of it. We are so ready to be parents and it’s been apparent for so long. I am trying to have hope and the only thing that is getting me through is sharing my story with women who have been through the same thing. I know I am not alone. I love when women share similar stories, it means so much… thankyou.

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